I've been trying to call Bulgaria. I have it from reliable sources that Bulgaria wants me to play for their national jazz festival. This in itself is amazing as I do not play Bulgarian jazz, or any jazz for that matter. Dr. Ea$y advises me not to try either, but. . .
It seems that during Tamboura's European stint at the reknown Blues to Bop Festival in Lugano, Switzerland, in 2004, a certain Mssr. Antonyankimolov, Bulgarian minister of cul-cha, heard Tamboura's folkrock'n reggae vibe and went uncharacteristically Bul-Ga-Ga-Garian.
"In my country, ze music iss do sevens, elevens. Thirteens, even. Vedy complex. Vedy, veddddy complex. But, still ve Bulgarians ve dance! And zis Tamboura band, vhy dey not have even play one tamboura in it! Dey do play zis vonderful music from vedy hot island in ze four time. Banging vedddy big can. Pluck veddddy strange banjo t'ing. Hit ze drums like ze Titan! Vedddy simple this music. And still, ve Bulgarians ve dance!
"I vill tell ze good friend, Villy Nokitov, who iss like Bulgarian Tony Bennett, Vrank Zinatra, even . . . vedy, how you zay - 'macho' and zuave-like-mooze. He vill vant bring zis Tamboura band over for play hiss big jazz festival. You vill see, ve Bulgarians like alllll ze musics. And, ve shall dance! All dance, yah!"
I was sent a cryptic email address including a phone number - containing what seemed like four hundred digits - and explicit orders not to tell anyone that I'd seen him. Antonyankimolov told me to call Nokitov, the 'zauve mooze' himself, sometime in the spring and arrange a gig at his famous festival. I figured, I'd nothing to lose. So I've been emailing and trying to call Villy Nokitov for well over a month. I get nada, zilch, nyet, nowhere. Perhaps the TUB (Telephonov Uber Bulgarese) is on strike? Perhaps Mr. Zuave-Like-Mooze is just amorously preoccupied with some darling Natasha at his dacha? Or perhaps he's in some sort of trouble and can't get to a phone in his gulag? Or maybe he caught a cob on because Tamboura has no tamboura - the national instrument of Bulgaria? I don't know. I just wish he'd tell me one way or the other. I mean, I hope he realizes that I've got other риба to fry.
Lately there's a strange clicking sound on my phone all the time. Probably the FBI or CIA - or, heaven help me, the KGB - all wound up because I've been making numerous attempts to contact a former communist bloc country. What of it? All I want is a gig and a chance to visit Bansko and Sophia and see the sights, perhaps sing a song with Mr. Zuave-like-Mooze? I'll learn to play in 7 or 11, (but hopefully not in a 7-11) and maybe even in 13?. Probably not. Perhaps I could add a real tamboura to Tamboura? Nyet.
The rest of the band thinks I'm crazy, but if and when I line this show-of-shows up, they'll all want to go. Miss Mary has already been looking up Bulgarian translations for phrases like "I'm tired and I want to sit down" and "Is there a good thrift store nearby?" and "Where can I get shoes for my moose?"
Me, I'm just resting my fingers up in anticipation of this afternoon's marathon phone dialathon to Bulgaria. I ain't giving up yet!
PS: All my efforts paid off! Tamboura with be the first American band to play at the Bansko International Jazz & World Music Festival - now in its eighth year - in Bulgaria in August 2005